Trust Issues
by Elouise Carter
Summary: "How could I have been so stupid, to think that I had actually found someone who completed me? I believed in you. I believed in us." Mulder believes Scully has betrayed him, leaving tensions in the basement office high. Will they get another chance to work it out? Summary sucks, I don't want to give too much away! MSR Bad language
1. Chapter 1

**_Don't get your hopes up guys. This isn't a new chapter, it's just a complete rework of my first chapter. The plot is the same as before, I just put a lot more effort into this version. If you've already read chapter one, you don't have to read this! But it'd be nice to hear if you think this is better. Thanks guys! X_**

/

It had been a warm morning when I awoke. Small slits of light pushed through my blinds and splayed themselves across my bed. I woke up a few minutes before my alarm blared, saving me from its brazen sound. Slipping out from underneath the covers, I smoothed my hair out from my face. It was sunny outside, the sky void of clouds. I felt rested, for the first time in a long time, and after an exaggerated stretch I began my daily routine, ready to face the world with my famous Dana Scully eyebrow raise and lip pout.

My car journey to work was rather uneventful. The lack of traffic on the streets led to an impromptu visit to a nearby Starbucks. I ordered myself a proper coffee, regretfully thinking about the black sludge that disguised itself as the caffeinated drink back in my office. My office. Fox Mulder's office. Our office. _Who's office was it anyway?_ I didn't even have a desk, my name wasn't on the front of the door. I thought about Mulder, sitting there, his figure hunched over some X-File that he'd dug up, ready to whisk me away to the other end of the planet in order to investigate his beloved "little green men". _Or were they grey now?_ I subconsciously ended up choosing a pain au chocolat for him, and a plain croissant for myself. _Maybe he could do with a pick me up._ My morning had gone better than most, and I saw no reason for my partner to not be able to join in on my joy. I thought about ordering him a drink, but he was probably on his third cup of the morning. Fox Mulder always went to work early, and left late. Why he would spend overtime in that dingy little office was beyond me. But then I remembered his own apartment. Admittedly it was bigger, and arguably cleaner, but he still refused to sleep in a bed, only occasionally napping on his leather sofa. My own back ached just at the thought of how his must be feeling. _If only I could just rub that pain away for him._ **Woah, hold on there Dana. Dangerous territory. **_What? It'd just be a friendly back massage._** Hm yeah, 'friendly'. **

It was another 15 minutes until I finally stepped into the basement office. I shut the door with my foot, throwing a 'good morning' in Mulder's direction. I never received a reply, but it wouldn't have been the first time Mulder had chosen to finish a paragraph over talking to me. Hanging up my trench coat on the nearby hook, I let myself stare at my partner for a while. As I expected, he was hunched over his computer, his back a little more rigid than I had predicted, however. _God he is so beautiful._ I let my gaze linger a little longer before snapping back to reality.

"I brought you a surprise!" I almost shouted at him from the other end of the room. I got no response and he seemed to be fully engrossed in whatever he was reading on the screen. Striding up towards him, I dropped the brown bag into his line of vision, obstructing the view of his computer screen. I tantalisingly swung it in front of him, inviting him to take it from my hands. "C'mon Mulder I know how hung-"

My sentence went unfinished as I suddenly found myself pressed up against a filing cabinet. I let go of the contents of my hands as a reflex, the hot coffee spilling on the floor and onto my skin, burning a little. I saw my croissant pathetically roll out from its bag. I felt a sharp pain as a protruding corner from the cabinet jammed itself into my back. "Mulder!" I practically screamed at him. "What are you doing?!" His fingers had found their way to my wrists and were gripping them tightly, holding them up to my shoulders. He'd effectively pinned me to the cabinet. I tried squirming under his grasp but it only made his hold on my tighten. I let out an involuntary gasp as the cabinet ripped through my clothes and sunk into my pale flesh.

_Don't be scared. Don't be afraid. This is Mulder. Mulder won't hurt me._ I kept repeating it to myself like a mantra, over and over, trying to control my breathing. I saw two possible plans of action: fight back or play the submissive. My fists clenched, ready to act on the first option, but then I stole a glance at his eyes. His deep, hazel eyes. And I saw nothing there but hurt. _Something must have happened. A case. The Truth. Cancerman. Samantha. _Truth be told, I had no idea what had gotten into Mulder, but I forced myself to physically weaken for him, choosing the latter. I wanted to touch him and tell him he was alright, push the stray strand of hair back to where it belonged, out of the way of his eyes.

Suddenly he spoke, his voice low and as sharp as razors. "How could you?" His grip on my wrists tightened to that of a vice. Oh Mulder, what has happened to you? I could see the muscles in his jaw contract as he clenched his teeth and I let out a whimper. I attempted to keep my voice smooth and steady as I spoke back to him.

"Mulder... you are hurting me." He let out an animalistic grunt at my confession and gave my body a harsh push against the cabinet, the cold metal corner pushing further and further inside me. I could feel a hot, sticky trail of blood slid down my cold back. I could have sworn I heard him mutter 'Good' but his own sounds were muffled by his barrier of teeth.

"How could you, you fucking bitch?" He accompanied his curt words with another sharp shove of my body. My back was aching and I let out a groan as I felt my skin be ripped even more by the metal corner.

"Mulder I don't know what you're talking about! Please stop Mulder you're hurting me!" I let a single tear drop from my eyes. "You're scaring me Mulder..."

My voice was hushed and small, but my words were powerful enough to break down his walls. His grip instantly loosened but his jaw was still set, his eyes still burning into me. Turning his back on me, he stormed over to his desk. I noticed his fists periodically clenching, his knuckles turning white with pressure. The only sound in the basement was my involuntary gulp, as I imagined those long slender fingers clasped around my neck, pulsing, squeezing. _Stop it. He wouldn't do that. _I glanced at an envelope that he was suddenly grasping. It was large and brown, but had been sliced open with a letter opener. It seemed thin, as if it only held one piece of paper. My suspicions were correct, as he handed me the object, allowing me to inspect the contents. Immediately I knew what was wrong, carefully extracting a glossy photograph from the paper pouch.

The photograph was black and white, taken of two figures who appeared to be in conversation. A light hearted conversation; one was smiling, the other laughing. They were walking side by side on a crowded sidewalk, their bodies uncomfortably close. To a stranger, it would have looked like two good friends who had decided to meet up during a lunch break, or maybe due to the age difference, a father and daughter talking about old times. But to me, the photograph looked like nothing other than the end of my perfect day. For in the photo there was no father and daughter, no old friends. No, in fact the starring roles of this photograph were myself and Cancerman. _Shit._

"Mulder." I tried to keep my tone stable, it sounded broken and pathetic. "Where did you get this? Who gave it to you?"

He did not answer verbally, but instead threw his arms at me again, this time pushing me straight against the wall. "Why? So you can put a bullet in their head for betraying you? You lied to me Scully, you betrayed me. I trusted you and all the time you used me. You were working for them." He gave a lopsided grin before chuckling to himself. "Besides Scully, it seems as though you've got your own mole." He paused for a moment, his voice loud and crass. "Or is that not even your name? Dana Scully. I don't even know you." _Oh, but Mulder you do know me. Better than anyone. _Suddenly his voice audibly cracked, his eyes becoming damp and his posture weakened, defeated. "How could I have been so stupid, to think that I'd finally found someone who completed me? I believed in you. I believed in _us." _

My heart ripped at his words and I began to stretch my arm out to touch his wet cheek. He flinched and made an inaudible sound, screwing his eyes up in repulsion at me. His actions alone were enough to finally tear my heart in two. _Don't lock me out now Mulder._ My fingers managed to brush against his skin, and I felt his muscles relax under my touch. _That's it Mulder, let me hold you._ I placed the flat of my palm against his cheek, my thumb softly drying his eyes. "Ssh, Mulder. Listen to me. I need you to listen to me." Curling a finger under his chin, I was able to lift his drooped head to meet my gaze. "Mulder this photo is faked. I have no evidence on my person to prove this to you. But I'm sure if you took it over to the labs, they'd be able to tell you." I moved my other hand to his side, drawing lazy circles on his waist through his creased shirt. "I need you to trust me Fox. Just like I trust you." _Please trust me._

Every ounce of calmness Mulder possessed in that moment dissipated from his body in the space of seconds. His frame went rigid as he grasped the wrist that was caressing his hot skin. "Don't. Call. Me. Fox." He spat the words out at me, our faces mere inches apart. Throwing my hand down to my side, he strode over to his trench coat and abandoned the office, not failing to slam the door behind him. He wasn't going to return.

I numbly walked over to my chair and felt the damp patch at the small of my back as I began to sit down. My clothes were drenched in blood from where the filing cabinet had pushed its way into my skin. It was sore, but I had suffered much worse in my shirt lifetime. It was not unfamiliar to me to be touched in that area, but it was normally such gentle touches. Mulder's gentle touches. But this time, his spot was brandished with hate and betrayal. Unshed tears began to burn down my cheeks, splashing down into my crumpled blouse. _Is this what it was like when I turned my gun on Mulder?_

I felt sick. My stomach was working against me, threatening to chuck up my measly breakfast of porridge oats. My brain began to pound against my skull, all I could hear in my ears was a constant, deafening ringing. Staggering out of my chair, I realised my legs had also failed me and I nearly tumbled to the ground. Nothing else matters except the overwhelming urge to make it to the ladies toilets. Pushing past A.D. Skinner in the corridor, I flung open the door to the nearest cubicle and emptied to contents of my sore stomach until I lay on the floor, retching and heaving as if my life depended on it.

I could hear the dull thud of Skinners knocks on my cubicle door in the back of my mind. "Agent Scully. Are you alright? I am going to break this door down if you don't respond again." _Skinner can't see me like this._ I begrudgingly supported myself on the toilet seat, standing up on shaky legs supported by shaky feet. I casually opened the cubicle door after flushing away my physical breakdown. Smoothing down my skirt I walked nonchalantly past my superior, careful to keep his prying eyes away from the bloody stain on my lower back.

"I'm sorry Sir, I must have caught a bug over the weekend." I began to run some cold water, still keeping my back facing the wall. I could feel his eyes on me as I splashed my face with water. _Wash it away, make it all go away_. I looked back up at him. Drying my face on some nearby tissues. "I'm fine Sir." He narrows his eyes at my overused remark but brushed it off. I mentally wiped my forehead and let out an exaggerated 'Phew'.

"Go home Agent Scully. Get some rest. I don't want you back here until you are better. I can't have sick agents working. It's counterproductive." I nodded in consent, my mind beginning to fall blank. I waited for Skinner to leave the toilets before I followed, walking straight to the office and slipping my body into my oversized trench coat.

My head began to reel again as I picked up my bag, walking out the door and locking it behind me. The corridor was spinning around me, and I leaned against a nearby wall for some form of support. Mulder, where are you?! I felt drunk, not being able to walk in a straight line. My legs kept giving way as I attempted to climb the stairs to civilisation. _God, I've got to get home._ I began to stumble down the main lobby, trying to regain my posture as I practically bolted out the Edgar J. Hoover building. My cheeks were flushed and my throat was dry but I had the sense to take a cab home rather than drive. Hailing a cab, I saw one pull over on the other side of the road, it's gleaming yellow paint contrasting against the bleak backdrop of office buildings. I ran over to it, moving my legs without registering. I never even saw the car coming. And then I didn't see anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thank you all for your reviews! They've been very helpful and all lovely so far. I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for sticking with me. -E x_**

**/**

I had stormed out of the office, with no real intention of going anywhere. Everywhere I thought of reminded me of her. _Scully_. My apartment. _Scully_. Reflecting Pool. _Scully_. I sat in the front seat of my car, my fingers drilling against my shaky knee as I remembered the morning's events. I was still sat in the bureau's car park, my vehicle had not moved an inch after I'd ran towards it. _Scully. _Taking a quick glance at my watch, I surveyed my surroundings. It was dark, except for the few lights that illuminated the underground car park. It was completely silent. I could hear the blood rushing through my veins as I attempted to control some of my anger. _Scully. Oh god Scully, I want to believe you._ Images of her scared face flashed across my minds eye - my photographic memory not helping to shake her shivering frame as I easily overpowered her. _Not my finest moment._ I took another look at my watch and decided it was time to settle this. I made my way up back into the Bureau lobby, ready to confront Scully a second time. I knew deep down that if she had betrayed me, walking away was the worst thing I could have done. If I stayed with her, I could have used her to my advantage. An impromptu hostage. _But had she even betrayed me?_ Her remark about the photograph being faked had completely slipped my thought processes. _No. Don't let her fool you. She's playing with you. Tugging on your heart strings. She is a traitor._

The office door was locked when I finally attempted to open the handle, leaving me to pat down my pockets in order to find my set of keys. There was still a chance Scully was inside, and was preventing me from entering again. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of losing her. **You've already lost her Mulder. You never really had her.** _No. I need her for information. That's why I need to see her. _The door opened and I pushed through, seeing the office void of her possessions. On the back of her chair there was a small stain of blood that had soaked through the cushion. _Good, she deserves to be hurt._ My eyes drifted over the remains of the breakfast she'd bought us and the countless files spread out on my desk. There, pride of place, was the photograph. The photograph that broke me. _No Mulder, it opened your eyes. _I picked it up in my fingers, delicately scanning the print. The envelope had turned up in my office that morning, pushed under the door. I had no clue who had left it for me. Rubbing my temple with my thumb and forefinger, I left the office for the second time that morning, photograph still in hand.

It was only a short walk to Agent Rovin's office; a specialist in image manipulation.

"Agent Rovin are you busy?" I tried to hide the desperation from my voice. _Scully_. The fellow agent turned to face me. He was of stocky build, obviously not meant for much field work. He had the remainders of a bacon sandwich stuck in his short wiry beard, and small smudge of ketchup on the corner of his mouth. His posture was soft but his eyes shot daggers at me. _Yet another agent who doesn't like 'Spooky Mulder'_.

"Agent Mulder. What can I do for you?" He took a glance at the photograph in my clutches and stretched out his arm to take it from me. I let him have it, I couldn't stand holding the filthy artefact.

"I need you to tell me if this photo is manipulated." The agent scanned the image but not before narrowing his eyes at me. It was as if he were scanning me for all my imperfections. _All of the lies._

"Agent Mulder, this is a photo of Agent Scully." _Scully_. Rovin remarked whilst fetching a small magnifying glass from a nearby desk.

"Is it faked?"

"If it is, it's a fucking good one." Moving the curved glass over the image, he studied several shadows and highlights, where the light source was coming from, whether there were any obvious changes in colours. He frowned a little, but I couldn't tell why. _Was it completely real and he was just wondering why I'd even asked? Or is this faked? Was she telling the truth?_ I prayed to a god that I didn't believe in that it was the latter. I watched his fingers trace over the outlines of the two figures. I look at Scully, her eyes were wide and her smile. _Oh god her smile._ She was laughing, her brilliant white teeth showing, her hair framing her face perfectly, and her lips were as full as I could remember them. She was beautiful. _Scully, why do you have to be so beautiful?_

Finally stirring from his concentrated state, Agent Rovin looked back up at me. "Mulder this photograph is faked." He pointed over to a reflection in someone's sunglasses. "You see there? You can clearly see the reflection of Dana's 'friend' in the lens of the eyewear belonging to the people walking behind them. But instead of Dana's reflection next to him, it's another man in a suit." I meant to keep my exterior cool and unaffected, but I let out a heavy sigh of relief and my shoulders sagged immediately. _Oh god Scully. What have I done? _

Snatching the photograph from under Rovin's prying eyes, I shouted my thanks whilst running through the doorway. I needed to call Scully, to tell her I believed her. I pulled my cell out from my coat pocket, speed dialling her home number, but there was no answer after three rings. Three rings meant she wasn't at home, or she was avoiding me. I gave her cell phone another go, but this time it went straight to answer phone. _Scully please talk to me._ I picked up the pace of my strides, racing towards the basement. _Maybe she left me a note?_ **No, don't be stupid.** _Okay, what if she came back? _Just as I was about the swing open the door, and hope to discover my beautiful partner, with her arms outstretched towards me, warm and welcoming, my phone trilled in my pocket_. Scully. _

"Scully. Thank god you called back. Look, I need to talk to you." There was a silence on the other line. "Scully, you there?" There were some awkward shuffling noises and I instinctively reached to grab recording equipment, fearing the worse.

"Who is this speaking?" The voice was a male and deep. It was calm and unsuspecting, not your average kidnapper's tone. My hand still tentatively searched for a recorder nonetheless.

"This is Agent Fox Mulder of the FBI. Who are you?" My voice began to quaver. _Was this all a big set up? Oh god, Scully what have they done to you?_

"Agent I am Dr Landy. We have a patient here, Dana Scully, who has been involved in an automobile accident. She's currently in Georgetown University Hospital. We called the first number on her speed dial."

My mind went blank. My skin turned white. I felt weak at the knees. _No, Scully. Not my Scully._ I braced myself against the nearby desk, trying to take all of the information in.

"She's my partner..." I took an audible gulp. "An automobile accident?" I felt fresh tears cloud my eyes and slip silently down my pale cheeks.

"She was hit by a car whilst crossing the road. She's in the intensive care unit. Her condition is deteriorating."

_Deteriorating. My Scully._ I gasped and replied back, saying I'd be there as soon as possible. Asking them to call her mother. Asking them to take care of her. I threw the disgusting photograph into the nearby bin. "You may have cost me my partner's life. And if you have. I swear you will pay." I said aloud to the man standing next to Scully's petite frame, a pack of Morley's jammed into his suit jacket pocket, a cigarette already pushed between his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hello! I had so much fun writing this chapter in completely first person and present tense - it's my first ever attempt. It's not as easy as it looks! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know it's a little short, but quality over quantity right? Thanks for your continued support! -E x_**

**_/_**

_I am lying down. My eyes are closed. They feel glued shut. God, where am I? I can see bright lights running across my vision, but I know from my medical training that it is just the light receptors on the back of the retina hallucinating. Phosphenes tricking my brain into seeing my own little northern lights show. Open your eyes Dana. Open them. I will my eyes to slowly open and I am now staring upwards. The lights are still shining above me but they are more static. They're not moving. They just... twinkle. Like stars. Stars. They are stars. Am I outside? _

_Why isn't it cold? I have not registered the temperature until now. It is neither hot nor cold. I am comfortable. I am... naked. I'm naked! I throw my arm across my chest in an effort to shield myself from the stars. Or at least, I thought I moved my arm. But it is still lying there motionless next to my body. I try to move it again, but still nothing. It's as if it is lifeless. Without life. Oh god, am I dead? Did I die? The car hit me. I was outside the Bureau, whereas now I am... not outside the Bureau. I try to feel the ground beneath me but I feel nothing. It feels as if I am numb. Oh god I am dead aren't I? Dead and I never got to say goodbye to my mother. Dead and I never got to visit my father's grave one last time. Dead and I never got to talk to Mulder. Never got to hold Mulder. Kiss Mulder. Mulder. Mulder. Mulder._

_My thoughts turn as dark as the sky surrounding me as I remember what had led me to my current position. His dark hair was spiked up on his head as if he had been pulling at it. His grip on my arms had been so tight, suffocating me. Probably leaving bruises. "How could you, you fucking bitch?" His words ring through my ears as if they are being replayed on loudspeaker. This isn't heaven. This is hell. I close my eyes in defeat, doomed to spend the rest of eternity listening to my partner scream at me. But his voice quietens until it is a soft murmur, lulling me back to sleep. I am so tired. I can feel my eyes drooping. _

_Wait. I feel something on my shoulder. Pressure. Light pressure. An object? No, a hand. I want to call out, asking who is there, but no sound escapes my closed lips. My eyes are now wide open, waiting for the figure standing behind me to move into my vision. I can only look up. Up into the stars. I hear a voice that sends a chill down my spine. It is calm. Familiar. It only takes me a second to work out who it is. Melissa._

_"Don't worry Dana. You're alright now. You're safe here." Oh god, Melissa I love you so much. I miss you, come back to me Melissa. Let me hold you in my arms. "But you don't belong here Dana." I shout at her, scream at her, to come back to me. But my lips do not let me. Please Melissa, I want to see your face. I want hold your cheek. "You must listen to me, little sister. I love you, and one day, we shall see each other again. But not yet. Not now." I feel the pressure of her hand fade from my skin. I try to shake my head in protest but my muscles are numb and uncooperative. "You have work to do Dana. I believe in you." Melissa don't leave me I am frightened. I am so scared. _

_I do not feel her warmth on my shoulder. I cannot hear her sweet voice whisper in my ear. I let my eyes close now. My vision is filled with the bright sparks of light, darting across the black sky of my minds eye. _

_I am lying down. My eyes are closed. They feel glued shut. And now I sleep._


	4. Chapter 4

**_Enjoy guys - thanks for your continued support! This is a little longer than the last chapter. Sorry for the angst! ;) -E x (UPDATE: Just fixing some typos)_**

The hospital was suffocating, it's white washed walls and hard floors closing in on me, crushing me. The drive there had been a blur, my eyes glazed over, thinking of her. _Scully. Automobile accident. Deteriorating_. A shudder ran down my spine as I attempted to get the attention of the man at reception. He held a slender finger up at me, motioning for one more minute as he continued to talk on the phone. _I have no time for this._ I abruptly pushed my finger on 'end call' earning an angry glare from the nurse.

"What do y-" his voice could cut glass. But it didn't bother me. I flashed my badge. _That always works_. The man dropped his stern gaze at the sight of my identification. He mustn't have been over 25. He was young, but tired, the ED shift hours not working in his favour.

"My partner Dana Scully was brought here. An automobile accident. I need to see her." The nurse opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a voice behind me.

"Agent Mulder. I'm Dr Landy. We spoke on the phone." Dr Landy was older, with greying hair and a neatly trimmed beard. His hand was outstretched to me, and I took it, shaking, but his eyes widened at the pressure. I was so on edge. _One more push and I will plummet to my death._

"How is she? What happened? Can I see her?" I was aware of my quick fire questions but not able to stop them. Landy's eyes softened at my request. Deep down, I knew that asking to see her now would be futile. With a hand pointing to an adjacent door, the doctor directed me to his office. His letters were printed on the door in large black letters. My legs moved but my eyes stayed fixed on the double doors which undoubtedly hid my partner from me. I wanted to call out to her, run through the reception towards her, burst through the doors and tell her it was alright. _But would she even want me? How could she ever forgive me?_ My last words to her had been atrocious, my actions even worse. I'd hurt her, my mind wandering to the sour thoughts that left my body hunched over as I reluctantly moved in the opposite direction from my partner.

Partner never seemed like the appropriate word to describe Scully. Work wise yes, of course. But she was more to me than that. Friend. Best friend. Soulmate. I couldn't remember the precise moment that I had fallen in love with Dana Katherine Scully, but I had realised it during her abduction. I had worn her cross around my neck, a constant reminder of her presence within me. Scully was a part of me, our souls permanently entwined together. I knew her better than anyone, and she me. Dr Landy's voice brought me back to reality.

"Agent Mulder. I'm afraid your partner is comatose. The impact of the car on her head has left her unresponsive. We have her on a ventilator, but I am sure you are aware of Agent Scully's living will, as you sign-"

"Shouldn't we wait for her mother? She would want to hear this, being her next of kin." I remembered the last time I was in this situation. Melissa had been there, trying to feel for her aura. My anger had gotten the better of me, as I screamed at the doctors, cursing the men who had reduced my Scully to this. But this time, there was no one to blame but me. _If I had been there, if I hadn't have got angry, we'd be sitting in the office together, working on a new case. My hand would rest on that now sore spot on her back with the utmost tender care, as I direct her out of the building to get lunch with me. _

"Her mother has been called Agent Mulder. She is on her way." He gave a slight pause probably gaging my reaction to this information. "If her mother agrees then-"

"You'll turn the life support off. I know, I've been through this before." Her lifeless body flashed before my eyes, her mind active but her muscles still. She was being kept alive by machines alone, but then a thought had crossed my mind_. "I had the strength of your beliefs._" I had somehow given her the will to fight, to wake up. _And I need to do it again._ "I need to see her. I need to be next to her, she needs to know that I'm there for her."

Doctor Landy blinked at me, surprised at this sudden outburst of compassion. "Please." My voice was weak but lined with a sense of determination. He curtly nodded and I fled the room, towards the doors holding the intensive care unit. My mind started screaming out at her, hoping that our souls were deeper connected than before, that she could hear me. _Don't worry Scully. I'm coming. You're not alone. I'm coming._

Suddenly the doors were in front of me like a brick wall, blocking me from her._ What if she doesn't need the strength of my beliefs anymore... She probably can't stand me. If I am near her who's to say she won't drift away, repulsed by my mere presence?_ My breathing quickened as I could feel a full fledged panic attack control my body. _Oh god ohgodohgodohgod Scully please forgive me._

A soft hand on my shoulder calmed my panicked heart beat and the word that accompanied it slowed down my shallow breaths. "Fox." _Maggie Scully_. I turned my head towards her sad eyes, my own filling with salty tears. Without warning, my head tilted down to find its place in her neck, a shadow of a tear streaming down my cheek. Her hand came to rest on the back of my head, caressing the soft hair there.

"I'm so sorry, we had a fight and I was wrong. I didn't think this would ha-" She quietened me with a single finger over my lips. Maggie Scully had always acted as the mother that I never had. It was almost as if she had adopted me into her perfect little family. _Only for I to fuck it up_. I could see Maggie choose her response carefully, a thousand emotions fluttered behind her aged eyes.

"This isn't your fault Fox. You and Dana have a deep connection, she wouldn't want you to be upset. She needs us. We have to be there for her, in order for her to get better." She chuckled a little. "She's got a lot of practise at this, she'll know how to pull through." But even I knew that the laughter was only to mask a deeper feeling on regret. Maggie Scully had already lost one daughter and she was not prepared to lose another._ She doesn't know about Scully's condition. She's not stable. She's... deteriorating._ I lifted my head from her shoulder and attempted to dry my cheeks on the back of my hand.

"Mrs-Mrs Scully." She shook her head. "Maggie. Sc-Dana's condition. It's it's... it's not good Mrs- Maggie. When the car impacted her she- she hit her head. Dana's living will... she's under the criteria." I hoped my eyes conveyed a deep sadness that matched my voice. I was aware that my hands were trembling as Maggie Scully caught them between her own.

"Stay here with me. She needs us both." Using one hand, she pushed the double doors open and I winced at the sight. _Scully_. Surrounded by tubes and beeping machines, there was my beautiful partner, her fire red hair swept across her face. Even from across the room, I could see her pale skin marred by a nasty gash across her temple. Unconsciously I squeezed Maggie's hand, and she reassuringly squeezed back mine back. I watched Scully's chest move up and down as metal and plastic devices kept her on this earth. _Kept her with me_.

Her small hand lay limp next to her body, and I saw myself reach over to hold it. Her manicured fingernails were chipped and bathed in her own blood. I hesitated, my fingers mere millimetres away from hers. _May I hold your hand Scully?_ I was asking for permission, forgiveness. _Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever get the chance?_ A brief touch on my shoulder from Maggie gives me all the answers I need, and my fingers find hers, entwining them. I squeeze, trying hard to elicit some form of response from her. My thumb rubbed lazy circles over her palm, hoping that wherever she was, Scully could hear me, she could feel me. _It's alright Scully. I'm here, your mother is here. You're going to be okay. I just need you to fight. I'm here to fight with you Scully. I'm never leaving you again. I'm so sorry._ But I couldn't voice my thoughts, instead I pushed out a feeble "Hey Scully" and a forced smile.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I register that Maggie has yet to touch her daughter, and I reluctantly pull myself away from Scully. I let out an inaudible whimper as the loss of contact hit me like waves crashing against rocks. Maggie took a hold of her arm and whispered sweet words of motherly kindness into her daughters ear. I couldn't listen. I was too dirty to listen in on their pure love for each other.

But then it was no longer hushed verbal caresses that filled my ears. It was a harsh, brutal sounds of machines beeping, signalling out to all around it. I turned around to witness Maggie Scully being thrust away from the bed, doctors and nurses all rushing in circles, shouting medical jargon. My vision blurred. My mind went blank except for one thought. _Scully. Scully. Scully. Scully. Scullyscullyscullyscully._ I felt like puking. I felt like dropping dead on the floor. I reached out to grab Maggie, the only living reminder to my brave partner. I clutched at her as if my life depended on it, shutting out the commotion around us. I could feel myself go slightly limp, and thought it was the shock, but suddenly, Maggie's hold tightened on me and my legs gave way, leaving me to crumple on the floor, my surroundings turning black.


	5. Chapter 5

**_I love you guys! Thanks for sticking with this, it means a lot! Enjoy this chapter and please review! :) -E x_**

**_/_**

_I have woken up again. I am still lying down, just as before. My body feels dense and heavy, yet I cannot feel any floor beneath me. I briefly open my eyes, scanning my frozen vision for any sign of suspension. I still can't move my neck, my head, my legs, my arms. My eyes can only gaze forward, up to the twinkling stars. They are mocking me, the stars. They are so far away but I can sense that they are mocking my lifeless body. I long for the feel of my sister's hand on my shoulder. Her smooth caramel voice crooning in my ear, filling me with a love and care that I crave. "You don't belong here Dana." Well where do I belong? Tell me!_

_"You belong with me Dana." His voice is soft, but loud against the silent backdrop of my surroundings. I feel like I should have jumped in surprise, but my muscles protest, leaving me still. _

_Fox Mulder._

_Fox Mulder is here with me. _

_Mulder come closer so I can see you. Come closer so I can feel you. Everything goes deathly silent again as I wait for him to respond. I want to scream at him in anger and devotion, shatter the silence with my hoarse voice shouting louder than I ever have before. But my lips don't move, they stay glued shut. I can see him now, looming over me, his hair has fallen a little over his face. I want to reach out and tuck it back to its rightful place, drift my fingers delicately over his cheek. He is naked. Mulder is naked. So am I. Where are we Mulder? What have they done to us? What have we done to each other?_

_I can see him bending down to me, his head moving closer to mine and he rests it on my shoulder. I was not aware of the temperature around me until his skin touched mine. My shoulder burning under his heat, scorching my soft flesh. I want you to hold me mulder. Burn the rest of me. Mark me as your own. Fill me with your warmth._

_"Hey Scully." I can feel his lips pull up into a smile as he rests against my tight skin. I want to smile at him back. I want to smile at Fox Mulder. Mulder take me home. Take me away from here Mulder? Let's work this out. Let's hold each other until we forget about all of this. Let's wash away each other's anger. I can feel his hands gripping me. I imagine his knuckles are white with the pressure. His finger nails are digging into my flesh. He is clinging onto me as if he will lose me. You won't lose me Mulder. I'd follow you anywhere. You are the only one I trust. You have me. His hands move down my shoulders, grasping my hands with immense force, our fingers fitting together like they were made for that exact purpose. You're my missing puzzle piece Mulder. His chest touching mine, he is bent over me fully. He presses a chaste kiss to my bare stomach and draws back, his hands cupping each of my cheeks as his head finds its way back to my shoulder. He slips away from me now, and I can now longer see him, but I still feel the heat radiating from his body, seeping into mine. He's still here. Stay here with me Mulder. _

_Now I can feel something drifting across my arm. A light touch compared to Mulder's earlier ones, like a feather brushing down to my hand. I could recognise that caring touch wherever I was. My mother was here with me. Her dainty fingers play across my skin and I can smell her perfume in the air. Oh Mom. I'm so sorry. _

_"Hello sweetie. I'm here now. Mommy's here." Her fingers drew lazy circles across my wrist. Hello Mom. "You gave me a bit of a scare, but Fox and I know you'll be alright. You're my brave daughter. You're my only daughter." She picks up my hand lightly and inspects my digits. "You always had such beautiful hands Dana. Don't you think they're beautiful? And to think that these hands can do so much, they can heal and comfort, love and lust. I love you Dana. I don't want you to leave me now. I could not stand it, so I will not allow it."_

_I feel my mothers fingers torn away from my flesh. No! Come back Mom! I want you to stay, don't leave just yet. You are the brave one Mom. I cannot see her, feel her nor hear her any longer and my heart aches at the loss of contact. Mulder. I can still feel his heat as if it were surrounding me like a warm blanket, comforting me. I just want you to hold me again Mulder. I want to leave here now. We still have things to talk about Mulder. We still have things to work out. And I'll be damned if I don't get the chance to do so. Mulder come back over here so I can let you touch me. Come back over here and make sense out of everything. But almost as suddenly as he came, Mulder's warmth is ripped from me, and I am left cold and alone with the stars looking down on me. _

_Mulder?_

_Mom?_

_My eyelids feel heavy but I will them to stay open. No, what if they come back and I can't see themselves? No, I must keep them open. The stars glitter above me, sending me into a danced trance. No, I have to stay awake. But my body betrays me, and I feel my eyes slowly drift shut. Without Mulder's warmth, or my mothers feather-like touch, I am not sure when I will have the strength to open them again._


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hey guys! Sorry it's taken me so long to post this. Please review! I'd love to see what you think of the story or my writing style, and what direction you want it to take, or what you'd like to see happen. - E x_**

**_/_**

I could feel something touching my arm as I suddenly became aware of my surroundings. The pressure was soft but firm and it moved to my wrist. _Are they feeling for a pulse? Scully? Scully I'm alright don't you worry!_ I forced my eyes open wide to greet my beautiful red haired partner, but my heart drooped as I saw not my best friend, but her mother sitting next to me instead. _Where am I?_ I noticed the bright light of the whitewashed walls and the smell of disinfectant assaulted my senses. _Hospital_. My brain tried to tie together the past. _Margaret Scully's strong arms wrapped around me. Why was she holding me? Black. Did I faint? Noise. Lots of noise. Why was there noise? Scully_. The word stood out amongst the rest. _Scully_. The image of the doctors rushing around her, towering over her frail body, made my body jolt forward.

"Mrs Scully." My own voice shocked me. It was raw and quiet, and Maggie automatically reached out for a nearby cup of water, bringing it to my lips. The cool liquid slid down my throat leaving a trail of fire as it soothed my dry skin. I tried again after clearing my throat. "Mrs Scully. How is Dana? Is she alright? What happened, did she-" my voice broke again and I could feel the tears threatening to spill. _Please let her be okay. She can't be dead, she can't be. _

"Hush Fox. Dana is okay. She's still... asleep. The doctors are worried, she's very weak. But the good news is that she's stable. She's not getting worse Fox. I didn't want to... do anything without you being awake." I blinked. _What does she mean by that? _Maggie took a deep breath, her tired, fragile form lifting and falling with the motion. "I know how much she means to you Fox. How much you mean to each other. She has family Fox, I am not doubting that. She has me, and her brothers. She has uncles and aunts, cousins and soon, a nephew. But Fox, you are her family as much as me. I know what I said last time; I said that this was a family matter, but now you are family. You have a say in this."

_Oh my god_. I knew my tears had leaked because Maggie stretched out and wiped underneath my eyes with her thumb. "Mrs Scully. I... I don't know what to say. I trust her with everything. She is the only person I can depend on. To be accepted by you into your family, to discuss Dana like this... It... It means a lot to me. I'm not used to this..." I tried a dorky smile but it didn't work. I straightened my back, sitting up completely. "I don't want to leave Scully just yet. I want to try and let her fight it."

Swinging my legs off the side of the bed, I could see Maggie about to interrupt, so I lifted a hand to silence her protests. She leaned back, defeated and watched me as I firmly planted both my feet on the ground and began to pull back the curtain surrounding my bed. Still in my own clothes. Good. I don't want to be wearing a hospital gown when Scully wakes up. _If she wakes up_.** No, she will wake up. She has to.** I moved swiftly over to the ICU, deflecting any nurses attempts to 'care' for me on the way. _Yes, I feel fine. No, I don't want any water. No, I don't need to sit down. Yes, I'm looking for my partner. Yes, I know the way. Yes, I've sanitised my hands. No, I don't want your company. _

The doors to the ICU were before me within seconds. It still looked like a brick wall, looming over me, a massive structure blocking my path in the obstacle course I call my life. But whereas before I had been hit by it, knocking the wind out of me, I sailed across it this time, up and over. You don't scare me anymore. The next thing I felt was my hand curling around Scully's, my lips planting a firm yet gentle kiss on her hollowed cheek.

"Hey Scully. I'm back now, and I'm not going anywhere." I squeezed her hand for emphasis. "You can't get away from me that easily." I chuckled, brushing my thumb across the back of her hand in the figure of eight. "Do you feel that Scully? Do you feel me touching you like that? That's how long I'm going to be by your side Scully. Infinity. Forever." _Forever and ever and ever_. I smiled to myself as I noticed the steady rise and fall of her chest. Placing a hand over her chest i comforted myself with the knowledge that she was still there. Still with me. "I know you can hear me Dana. Wherever you are you can hear me. Your sister once told me, that you were in a dark place. She came to my apartment, did I ever tell you that? When you were taken, she came to me, she told me to visit you. And the next day she called me. I almost didn't pick up, I feared the answer. But she told me you'd woken up Dana. That you'd opened those beautiful big blues. And you'll do it again. I know you. I believe in you."

A few tears dropped from my already red-rimmed eyes. _You are my truth Dana._ "You can't leave me Dana. You just can't. I won't let you. I'm going to hold your hand so tightly no one will be able to separate us." I bent my head down to hers, our foreheads lightly pressed together. "Y'know Scully. I've always loved you." With that I let my eyes drift closed, letting our chests rise and fall in unison, our fingers still entwined. _We'll be together always Dana. I don't know how I know, I just do_. I was vaguely aware of Mrs Scully's presence in the ward, and I could almost hear her smile broaden at us. We must have been a sight, huddled together in a warm embrace on her small hospital bed. But for once I did not let my self-conscious self pull my body away. Her skin was soft underneath my touch. I could almost see the milky white skin underneath her hospital gown. I could almost feel the swell of her breasts under my fingertips, drifting my hands down her sides and holding her waist. I could almost smell her delicious aroma as our bodies joined together, as we became one person. I could almost hear her soft mews as I'd bury my head into her neck, kissing and nipping her sensitive skin there, murmuring that I loved her as our bodies hurled each other over the edge into a passionate oblivion. And I could almost hear her saying those words back to me, with her velvety soft voice that had comforted me so many times. _"I love you, Fox." _

"I love you too, my beautiful Dana." _My beautiful Dana._


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